Welcome To My Life
by Aisling-Siobhan
Summary: HarryLucius:::: Angst songfic. Harry could never be as good as Dudley because he was a freak. How do the Dursley’s react when Dudley isn’t a Muggle and comes into a Magical Inheritance? How will Dudley cope with his feet in Harry’s shoes? Slash, Rape, Chi


Did another one-shot yesterday, go look please?

" http / wwwdotfanfictiondotnet / s / 3160900 / 1 / "

Get rid of the spaces first.

Wicked, here's another one-shot…. Did it this morning!

And no, it's not the Voldemort-won-the-war one, that'll come soon though.

This is another angsty one, but it has a happy ending for Harry!

Enjoy.

U B "**Welcome To My Life**" /U /B 

B **Disclaimer:** /B J.K's all of them, damn her… Song by Simple Plan: "Welcome To My Life".

B **Summery:** /B Harry/Lucius:-: Angst song-fic. Harry could never be as good as Dudley because he was a freak. How do the Dursley's react when Dudley isn't a Muggle and comes into a Magical Inheritance? How will Dudley cope with his feet in Harry's shoes? Slash, Rape, Child abuse, etc! HP/LM, (implied HP/VD & DD/VD rape).

B **Rating:** /B NC-17! SLASH! RAPE!

B **A/N:** /B Song-fic… Written in Harry's POV.

I _XXX_ /I 

**Words:** 4,840

**Welcome To My Life**

When I think back to when I was a child, I realize I'd rather not remember. Every other child can remember hugs and kisses and declarations of love or even moments when their parents told them they were proud of the child. I'm sure even Malfoy's Dad has said that at one point or Draco wouldn't wax poetic about the man. At least I hope Lucius has, for Malfoy's sake. No one should be hated as a child, believe me, I know.

When I look back, I can't remember my first year of life. The year I actually had parents, a family who loved me. All I can remember is screaming and a flash of green light as Voldemort stole my Mother from me. After that, is where I wish I could start forgetting. Have you ever gone to bed at night, knowing life was great and everything was all right with the world? Have you ever woken up the next morning and gone to school only to notice everyone hated you, but you're not sure why? That's sort of the story of my life. My parents loved me; I went from being loved to being loathed in the space of a few hours.

All because of 'blood protection'.

I didn't know why for years. I stood there and let Aunt Petunia hit me with the frying pan or hold my hand against the over until I could smell my flesh burning. I let Uncle Vernon beat me to unconsciousness if he had a bad day at work or if something 'freaky' happened at school. I let Dudley bully me, because if I fought back I'd face Uncle Vernon. And I did all this without knowing why. All I knew, was that was my life.

In comparison to Dudley's, well now that I think of it, there isn't a way to compare my childhood to Dudley's. They were polar opposites.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
Do you ever wanna run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming _

When Dudley was a child, there was an accident at the hospital. Or I used to think so. I would watch my cousin when I was about four and I would be certain he'd escaped from a zoo. Either the whale sanctuary or the rhino encampment. Hell, he was rather bear like as well. Of course as he got older I started to see the resemblance to Uncle Vernon. I didn't say anything though. Once I had, once I asked Dudley where his real parents were and Uncle Vernon beat me while Aunt Petunia stood by and screamed that I was the 'filthy orphan' and I was 'the unloveable freak' and that I 'shouldn't bully Duddikins'. No one was ever worried that he bullied me though.

As he grew up, he received all the memories the other kids got, not the ones I have. Never my memories. He wouldn't last a day in my life. The life where I'm unloved, uncared for, sworn to defend all Wizard kind from Voldemort. Sometimes I wish Dudley and I could swap places, just to see Uncle Vernon explode when he realized what a 'freak' his own son was. Poetic justice, even if a bit vindictive.

Dudley got reams of presents, packages on top of boxes and bags for his birthday and Christmas. If I were lucky, I'd be ignored. I'd be shoved into my cupboard under the stairs, the only thing I really owned apart from a tattered old blanket with my name sewn on it, and I was forgotten about. If I were unlucky, I'd get a 'good luck' beating for my birthday, or a smelly sock for Christmas. Bare in mind the sock was usually shoved down my throat to silence me, while they beat me.

Dudley though, never wanted for anything. Food, clothes, presents, love, hugs and kisses (not that I'd want Aunt Petunia to smother me with her boobs, mind you) and all I got was pain. It's not such a surprise I turned out the way I did, really. No wonder I'm thinking and planning, what I am right now.

I wonder what would it have been like, had Dudley been a Muggleborn. Would they still have loved him for being their son? Or would they have loved me instead, because my 'freakishness' had nothing to do with their genes? Or would they have hated us equally? Would we have been raised at an orphanage?

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

One can hope. I always wondered why I was never sent to an orphanage. Uncle Vernon always threatened but never carried that particular threat through.

I finally learnt about it though. Years later, end of sixth year I was finally told the truth. Dumbledore's wards were more than he made them out to be. Not only did they contain the basis for his supposed 'blood protection', they also compelled the Dursley's to keep me. It didn't stop them from treating me as they wished though, or humbling me as I overheard Dumbledore put it. How I overheard you wonder? Lucius Malfoy showed me a memory he put into a pensive. It was a real memory, don't worry. Dumbledore himself taught me to tell the real from the fake, came back to bite him in the arse huh?

Voldemort cornered Dumbledore at the Department of Mysteries. It didn't happen like I remembered it, another memory forgotten, another good memory destroyed. Falsely created to hide the bad ones. Damn, maybe I should give myself amnesia and start all over again? Anyway, as I was saying… Dumbledore shouted and ranted about me, and how spoilt and selfish I would have been and that the Dursley's were the best way to humble me. The best way to make me subservient to Dumbledore without me realizing, is what he meant I'm sure.

It took Lucius a year to get out of Azkaban, and the first thing he did was track me down and fill me in. He was there when I came through my Inheritance, when I turned 17. I don't think I could have survived it without him. He held me and stroked my hair and whispered comforting words in my ear as I cried and writhed in pain. I thought for a while, that it must have felt like I had a Father, for just a moment. Before the pain ebbed and I started reacting to his silky drawl. I really doubt I would have wanted to fuck James Potter. So, no, Lucius wasn't surrogate Father material.

He caught me off the Hogwarts Express, so much for the all-seeing Dumbledore and his Order of Headless Chickens. Lucius took me to a – you can't really call it a house – hut, and we hid out there. I don't know why I didn't fight him, all I knew was that I should trust him, I felt it, in my gut and my gut instincts were hardly ever wrong. Not when my own life was on the line at least. He explained and he held me, but eventually I had to go back to my relatives. Lucius actually kissed me. The day I was about to go back, he turned me to face him and kissed me. And I swear I was in Heaven.

Don't get me wrong; he was still loyal to Voldemort. But then again I wasn't as steadfast in my loyalty to the Light, as Dumblefuck would liked to have believed.

And it didn't hurt that Lucius came to my inheritance, but missed his own son's. Take that Malfoy!

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

While Malfoy's birthday was the 5th June, and mine was the 31st July, Dudley's was in-between. Happy birthday Duddikins, on the 2nd July. You'll never guess what happened the second I got to Privet Drive, – my relatives road – can you guess? Well Mrs. Figg, a Squib neighbour who lives a road over on Wisteria Walk, and also a spy and Order Member for Dumbledore, ran over to me. She noticed Lucius Malfoy standing beside me, and gasped. She didn't scream for help or run while dragging me behind her, she gasped.

I turned to look at Lucius and almost wet myself laughing. The blond was gaping – actually gaping, mouth hanging open – at Mrs. Figg, before his mouth snapped shut and he raised one finely trimmed silver eyebrow.

"Harry, oh Harry, I've been so worried! It's chaos, Dumbledore is so angry with you, and Molly Weasley is angry with Dumbledore, and you were missing. And oh! The Dursley's oh Harry you wouldn't believe," that's what she said, all in one breath. I was sure she'd faint if she didn't stop talking for a moment. "But you're back now, you can fix it."

Yes, me, the Boy-Who-Lived, superhero extraordinaire, I can save the day without knowing what is wrong, can't I? Silly of me to forget. Note to boys named 'Harry', Boy-Who-Lived name does not enable user to survive Killing Curse, do not try this at home.

"Harry, there's been a misunderstanding! Someone has been using Magic in the Dursley's home, and an owl came from the Ministry and then Aurors but you weren't there, so you're not in trouble. But oh Harry, they said… they said… it was Dudley!" She wailed breaking into tears. Strangely she threw herself at Lucius' shoulder, sobbing all over his fur line satin travelling cloak, (no he wasn't wearing robes underneath, in case you were wondering).

"Dudley's a Muggleborn?" Mrs. Figg gave a cry of agreement as she sobbed harder. "Dudley's a Wizard?" She wailed this time. "Dudley's a fucking freak!" I screamed laughing, and Lucius raised his eyebrow, stopping me from dancing around the street.

"That poor, poor boy, that poor little boy. Imagine only discovering powers at such an age. He'll be so behind all the other students at Hogwarts!"

I froze and Lucius looked horrified at the idea of such a slow Muggleborn polluting their World further, "Dudley's going to Hogwarts?" I hissed.

"Of course dear, Dumbledore said every Magical child has the right." Mrs. Figg looked at me as if I were crazy. "Of course that horrid Uncle of yours is refusing. I haven't seen hide nor hair of your poor Cousin since his birthday."

"To-do-list, remind me Lucius. Number 1. Kill Uncle Vernon. Number 2. Get a new Headmaster. Dumbledore must go. Number 3. Laugh at Dudley. Number 4. Tease Aunt Petunia cause she has a freak in the family. Number 5. Take my crappy life out on Voldemort and his stupid snake." I paused, "anything else? Oh yea, number 6. Don't give Dudley his Hogwarts letter."

Mrs. Figg looked aghast as Lucius and I walked towards the house, and left her standing at the end of the road. "Freak?" Lucius asked.

"That what I was before I was a Wizard."

"You've always been a Wizard, Harry," he whispered pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"I've also always been a freak." I smiled sadly.

_Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding_

It was chaos, beautiful, sweet, vengeful chaos. Dudley had every second of it coming. I let myself in, a quick '_Alhomora_' and the door was unlocked: it was good to be of age. Lucius followed me, and I could practically feel his eyes glued to my arse, but unlike when other people starred I liked being the centre of Lucius' attention.

Dudley was, well if you ignored the height and the weight and the blond hair, you could have sworn it was me. There he was, on the floor, scrubbing the muddy footprints with a toothbrush, while Uncle Vernon sneered and kicked him in the back, causing Dudley to spill water across the floor. The Aunt Petunia would shriek at him for making a mess, and smack him. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. Loudly.

Uncle Vernon looked up and snarled, he ran forward and grabbed me by the throat before I could grab my wand. He slammed me so hard against the closed door my vision went black. I heard Lucius growl something at Vernon, but the Muggle was too enraged to care. He kept screaming it was my fault while banging my head against the door over and over. Eventually Lucius got fed up and stunned Uncle Vernon. Thankfully the fat man fell backwards, rather than onto me.

Dudley looked up fearfully as Lucius moved to stand behind him. I knew that look, I'd had that look, and hell I perfected the look.

Dudley was afraid of anyone who stood behind him; I'd felt that way as well. And spitefully, I did the exact same thing Dudley did. "Been a good boy for Daddy have you Duddikins?" His eyes widened, and I noticed tears pool in them, but I didn't care. Why should I? No one cared when it was me on the floor in tears. "What did Daddy have to say about you? Were you as good as me, Diddydums? Were you as tight? Did Daddy get special powers for taking the freaks virginity?"

Dudley sobbed openly and I sneered. Lucius moved away from the crying teen with a disgusted look, and raised an eyebrow at me. "Uncle Vernon has a 'thing' for punishing freaky little boys, doesn't he Duddikins?"

Strangely Aunt Petunia said nothing to me. She just stared right at me, and I swear she looked about ready to apologise for my crappy life. But she said nothing. Guess that answers my questions from earlier huh? They would have loved me more because they couldn't be blamed for my 'freak gene'. I laughed, and Dudley flinched as if I hit him. And I laughed harder.

Story of my fucking life. Welcome to it Dudley. I wonder how long it will take him to learn the rules?

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

What are the rules, you ask? The most important rule of all was 'don't ask questions'. As long as I didn't ask questions, they wouldn't have to answer me or think of excuses, or have any reason to talk to me.

The second most important rule was 'you do not exist', I broke that rule the day I had to go to school. A police officer found me walking around on my own, and asked why I wasn't in school. I didn't exist, so I didn't answer because the man couldn't have been talking to me. He took me to the Dursley's anyway, who beat me, then made me go to school.

That rule was later changed to 'when people are over, pretend you don't exist'. That one was easy enough, as long as no one jumped on the stairs. When Dudley did that it made the dust fall on me and I'd need to sneeze. As long as I didn't sneeze no one would hear me. I'd sit in the cupboard under the stairs and pretend I didn't exist. The only things that knew I was lying to myself were the spiders. I don't understand why Ron is so afraid of them; they were always lovely to me. The spiders were my only real friends. So many different spiders. All of them cleverer than they should be. Uncle Vernon never did manage to kill any of them.

In hindsight, there are two options, a) the spiders were animagi spying on me, or b) my accidental magic was absorbed by them to stop the Ministry noticing, - or Vernon at least – and now they're magical too. Maybe that's what happened to Dudley? Maybe it really is my fault?

The next important rule was 'you are worthless'. As long as I remembered that I wouldn't expect anything. As long as I remembered that rule, I would dare hope for anything, it didn't stop me being disappointed when I got nothing though.

And can't forget 'you are nothing more than a freak' and of course 'no one could ever love you' and 'you're just like your parents'. I wonder if that last one will apply to Dudley? Snape would certainly attest to the fact that yes, I am a James Potter clone. Maybe I should change my name to James? He's all they see anyway, my Father, their tormentor, their friend, their foe, never Harry. I wonder who Dudley will remind people of?

Uncle Vernon's failure? Aunt Petunia's disgust? He'll always have my hatred at any rate.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

Lucius had stood beside me and sneered at Dudley and then turned his attention to the unconscious Vernon. Aunt Petunia didn't say a word, she turned silently and walked into the kitchen and came back out a while later with two cups of tea. One cup of tea for herself and one cup for Lucius, (he'd checked for poison before he drank it though). I guess it was too much to hope she'd start caring for me now that her own son was as bad as myself.

Aunt Petunia sat on the sofa and glared at Dudley. "Hurry up you freak," she hissed, "I want that floor spotless before the Masons arrive." Dudley sniffed and scrubbed at the floor harder with the toothbrush, his own I noticed. "What are you doing back here, boy?" She asked, ignoring her unconscious husband.

"I, uh, had to come back eventually. I only need to spend a little while here though cause I'm already seventeen." Petunia just nodded and sipped her tea.

"Would you like a biscuit Mr. –?" She looked at him, and then me.

"Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy," he answered and I snorted. That was how Malfoy had first introduced himself as well: like Father like Son as they say. "And no thank you, ma'am."

She nodded, no 'call me Petunia' or 'are you sure, they're quite nice', she just nodded and stayed quiet. The room was so quiet, apart from Aunt Petunia swallowing her tea, and Dudley sniffing as he scrubbed.

Finally Lucius spoke, although it was a subject I rather wished he wouldn't bring up. "So you husband raped your nephew and your son, and you allow him to?"

"He is not my son, nor is that freak my nephew. I should have let Vernon dump you in the orphanage or better yet drown you in a bucket of water. None of those freak adults of yours care, or they would have done something by now." Petunia hissed, "we didn't want you, you horrid little burden. We have never wanted you, but we couldn't get rid of you!" She screamed and threw the cup at my head. "I hate you!" She screamed as I ducked the flying cup.

Lucius' eyes narrowed a fraction. "I care."

Aunt Petunia grew silent and looked contemplative, and then she laughed. "You insult my husband and yet you're doing the same thing."

"Excuse me?" Lucius asked mortified. "I have never raped another person in my life, as much of a bastard as I may be."

I coughed, Petunia looked at me. "Lucius and I have never had sex, Aunt Petunia." She just snorted at me, as if to tell me I was lying, or Lucius was lying.

Dudley whimpered, as if he had figured out I was leaving with Lucius, and he wanted to go as well. Petunia looked at her son. "Well if you and – Harry – haven't had sex, you're welcome to _him_." She glared at the trembling mass on the floor.

Dudley began to whimper, "Please no, not again, please no." Aunt Petunia stood and picked up the bucket of water before she smacked him across the back of the head with it.

Lucius looked disgusted, but equally horrified. "Do nothing," I told him and surprisingly he listened. While Dudley was a child, he was a Muggleborn child. Second worst species to Muggles themselves as far as the Pureblood was concerned. "Think of it was an eye for an eye Duddikins." I smirk as he looks fearfully up at me.

He bit his lip for a moment before he worked up the courage to speak, "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." His voice was rough and had a scratched quality to it, like Dudley had been screaming.

I smirked, "blind I may be, but it sure feels good Diddydums."

I stood as Uncle Vernon was waking up. He ignored me and walked straight over to Dudley. With some effort he managed to drag the boy into the kitchen by his hair, panting by the time the doors closed behind him. I knew what was happening, I'd been the one dragged across the floor plenty of times before. I really couldn't bring myself to care.

Call it a lesson in humility, Dudley. I sure endured enough of them to last me a lifetime. I think it's about time you have a go.

I smirked as the first scream tore through the house, followed by a grunt and another scream. Aunt Petunia stood stiffly, and walked to the front door. She grabbed her coat and shoes and put them on. "I trust you'll see yourselves out." She shouted to be heard over the screaming and left the house. Left her son to be punished.

I stood in the doorway and listened to the screams some more. Lucius, for once, looked rather disturbed, like he was really being affected by someone else's pain. I smirked, as I heard Vernon scream as he came, hear my name on his lips, and I knew Dudley would be so sorry for not being as good as me.

_No one ever lied straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
You never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like_

Lucius finally dragged me out of the house and cast a locking charm as we left. He walked briskly down the road and I had to run to catch up with him. "What is it that bothers you so much about rape?" I asked, genuinely curious.

I didn't think Lucius would answer me. He got really quiet and his eyebrows drew together as he narrowed his eyes. But then he gave a loud sigh and turned to face me and stopped walking. He pressed his lips against mine and I was shocked by how gentle he could be when he wanted to.

"My Father used to think rape was a great way of keeping people in line. Especially after he found out I wasn't attracted to the fairer sex." Lucius graced me with a slow smile and I smiled back sadly.

"What a pair huh?" Lucius smiled again. "Don't feel sorry for him Lucius, the only thing that kept him from raping me was the fact that Uncle Vernon didn't want to share. I'm sure there's a 'I was raped by Dudley Dursley' club out there somewhere." I stopped and leaned forward to draw Lucius into a kiss. "It's karma Lucius. He has it coming."

"You believe in Karma?" The blond asked, and I nodded. "Well then I'm screwed aren't I? With the amount of black ticks I probably have next to my name, I'm going to lose you or Draco." I smiled, happy to be considered important to Lucius.

"And with my lack of black ticks, I'm sure I could tide you over for the time being." I smirked, feeling proud of myself when Lucius gave a small laugh. "I can still hear him screaming, I think. Can you?"

Lucius listened for a moment and nodded. I beamed. Life was looking up.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like) _

"So what now?" I asked, as I took his hand in mine.

He looked at me, "I'm going to the Dark Lord." He paused, and I pulled my hand from his. He grabbed it back though. "Will you come with me? I can vouch for you, I'm still His most trusted!" Lucius smiled at me softly.

"Malfoy is a Death Eater did you know?" I asked, "his 16th birthday present." Lucius looked shocked then proud. "He was supposed to find weaknesses in Hogwarts wards or something. I was rather obsessed with proving Hermione right."

"I'm sorry?" He asked confused and I grinned.

"I said Malfoy was a Death Eater. He flinched in Madame Malkins whenever anyone got near his left arm. Hermione said he wasn't or Dumbledore wouldn't let him in Hogwarts. I said it didn't matter. Snape is a Death Eater, Karkaroff was a Death Eater, and so was Quirell, and Barty Crouch Jr. what's one more?"

I smirked. "I was right of course." Lucius just nodded. I had a feeling he'd be speaking to Draco soon though. "I'll come with you. Old Voldy has been nagging me for years to join him."

"You'll join him? Really? And you'll stay with me?" He added nervously.

"I'll join with him, I wont be a Death Eater. And yes, I'll stay with you. Till the stars fall down."

Lucius smirked and squeezed my hand, as he began to lead me away from my old life and into my new one as Voldemort's equal. As the Dark Prince, didn't sound half bad huh? As we walked past Mrs. Figg I smirked, "tell Dumbledore to go fuck himself for me will you?"

She gaped, and I laughed. Lucius stayed quiet but I could tell he was amused. And if I listened hard enough, I swear I could still hear Dudley screaming.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life_

Like I said, Dudley wouldn't last in my shoes.

Four weeks later, I was the Prince of Darkness and Heir to Voldemort. Lucius and I were lovers, and I even got along with Narcissa, Lucius ex-wife. I was allowed to kill Bellatrix and hand Wormtail to the Aurors will a full confession on his lips. Clearing Sirius' memory if not his body. Of course Malfoy and I still didn't get on. But we were civil enough, and he was happy his Father was happy.

I got an owl, from Mrs. Figg. I smirked as I opened it. Not even Lucius' glaring could stop me bouncing around the room shrieking in happiness when I finished the letter.

Dudley Dursley had been raped until unconscious and then beaten to death. Vernon and Petunia Dursley had been sentenced to Azkaban, because not only was Dudley now a Wizard but also Mrs. Figg had testified for me! Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Dursley would be leaving Azkaban for a while.

I was finally free! Life was suddenly not as shitty as it used to be. Lucius kissed me when he finished reading the letter and I happily let him. Maybe I wouldn't need amnesia to finally get some good memories for myself? We'll see…

Oh and if you were wondering, neither Dudley nor I went to Hogwarts that year. There wasn't much point for Dudley and its not like I needed to, being in control of the Wizarding World and all. Life is good!

**The End**

Please review… Thanks!


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